Letting Go of My Little Sidekick

K2 has been my faithful companion for almost five years.  Minus the two therapy trips in the recent years (a total of four night) and the hospital stay for the Ketus’ birth, he has never left my side.  Because the church in charge of Paczki’s preschool was absorbed by a larger congregation, the cost to send K2 was more than we could afford.  Our regular expenses, debts, and school loans did not leave any money to pay tuition plus the other mandatory expenses.  Don’t you just love Catholic schools?  We did not qualify for state programs.  The best solution was to keep K2 with me until he was able to attend Kindergarten.

I returned to work almost a year after I had K2.  So, for the past four years, he has been in the office with me.  As he grew older, he became an important fixture in the shop.  His toys are scattered all over the office.  Right now, his “job” is to go in the back to get my parents when I need them.  He is my little messenger.  K2 loves his job.  When I was pregnant with the Ketus, K2 helped me as much as he could.

I knew the time would come when he would have to go to school.  I was okay with it until it became a reality.  I thought I would have until August to get used to the idea of my little guy not being around me.  Well, life is funny.  The school he will attend offers a summer program.  At first, I wanted to keep my boy with me.  Then, he began to show signs that he was done with the office.  He gets bored and wants to be in the back of the shop.  This is not a good way to grow up.  FullEclipse and I enrolled him in summer camp.  K2 will have Paczki to keep him company.  This is a great thing for my boy.  There will be special field trips (freaking out about that!) and other activities which will prepare him for school.  Paczki had a leg up coming into the school since she knew basic stuff.  K2 has no had any training.  Add the complexity of the dual immersion program, and he will be behind.  The camp works with kids to get them ready.  It is a great opportunity for growth for him.

But it is happening too soon.  Camp begins on Monday.  My boy will be gone from 9:00 in the morning until 4:00 in the afternoon.  The reality has not sunk in yet.  I suppose it is a good thing that it happened now.  I will not have the whole summer to think about it.  Plus, the kids get bored with me in the office.

I do not know what is going to happen on Monday.  All I know is that letting go is so hard.  I will miss him with all of my heart.  The Ketus will too.  At least, I get to give my baby undivided attention.  Three kids require a lot of work.




Worst Blogger Ever!

Last time I was here, I was about to enjoy time off before I had to take the last class for my major.  There was a post about a trip to Ohio and then this place went silent.  This was not my intention.  A lot of things have happened in a year.  When I wrote those posts, I was pregnant with the Ketus.  It was a rough pregnancy.  But, my wonderful little girl, was born healthy in October of 2015.  Being a mom to three kids is not easy.  In the middle of the pregnancy, I still had to function and complete school.  FullEclipse traveled for work during this time too.  It was a cluster fuck.

But I am back!

Back to rant.

Back to say what I need to say.

I hope I was missed.


I Need a Nickname!!!

I met my new doctor today.

It went great.  I really like her which was a fear of mine.  Not meshing with a doctor is something I did not want to experience again.

But those were silly fears.  My new doctor is very smart and on point.  I know she will help me through a lot more issues which is a scary prospect because I think I will go deep into my emotions.

So, where was I again?

Oh yeah, right now things feel weird because I spent so much time with Dr. Backstreetboy, but I will get to that point with my new doctor.

Good things are going to happen.

I think I am missing her nickname to make the final connection – if that makes sense.

But, I am drawing a huge blank with her!!!

Could my creativity be gone for good?

No, it can’t be gone!!

I will work on this problem until my new doctor has a nickname.

She deserves it  🙂




I just saw my notifications.  My blog has ten followers.  Can I say I am surprised by this?

When I began to write my blog, my idea was to reach out to people who suffered anxiety.  I also wanted a way to vent.  It never crossed my mind that people might my daily writings.

Now, I really have to come up interesting stuff?  Nah!  I will keep it real.

In the meantime, I should be doing homework.  I have a paper due.



The first month of 2012 ended yesterday.

Where did all the time go?  It seems like I am living in a parallel universe where times moves in weird patterns.  Some days are super long.  There are times where the weeks go by so fast.

One thing, however, remains true every day: I AM EXHAUSTED.

K2 was born in August and I have not had a good night of sleep since two days before my delivery.  The ER trips did not help my sleep at all!  While the baby has made great strides as far as sleeping a few hours a night go, I feel like I have to make up for all the time that I have stayed up.  FullEclipse tells me that since the baby gives me five or six hours a night, I should not be sleepy all the time.  What can I say?  It just feels like my body wants me to crash a whole night without waking up.  Yet, I cannot bring myself to do it.   FullEclipse offered to take the baby for a night, but I said no.  I can’t do it.  Something tells me that I would wake up anyway.  Since my husband works, I figured he could use the sleep.

Paczki has been amazing.  When she stays home from school, she comes to my bed and cuddles with me.  Every now and then, I catch twenty minutes of sleep while K2 sleeps and Packzi watches TV in my bedroom.

These little naps do not help at all because I wake up so tired.  Oh well!  Things will get better.

There is so much that I want to blog about, but I don’t seem to find the time at the end of the day.  One of my 2012 goals was to blog more often.  I am going to try to find the energy and time to do it.  I love this outlet!


Kona Is Not YOURS!!

My pregnancy brain can’t remember if I posed Kona’s fate after her adoption.

In case I forgot to mention it, Kona’s adoption fell through.  The family who wanted her decided the day before we were to drop Kona off that they could not bring her to into their chaotic home.  They wanted Kona badly, but knew that the adoption would make things rough for everyone.  This family was going through some major changes.  They had moved to a new home.  The move brought on unexpected expenses.  Their toddler was also having a hard time.  I understood where this family was coming from.  We were thankful that they made the right decision and told us.  I wish they would have said something sooner.  Paczki knew Kona was leaving.  She was so sad.  I wish I could have spared her the suffering.

Anyway, as part of our agreement with the Boxer Rescue, we have to keep Kona.  At the time, FullEclipse was not working so it was not a big deal.

A few weeks after the failed adoption, FullEclipse received an email from the rescue.  Kona’s orginal owner wanted her back.  The director of the rescue wanted to know if we were okay with sending Kona back.


I was upset that FullEclipse did not tell me right away about the email.  In his defense, he got the email very late and there was no way he would have woken me up to make me angry.

After my initial shock, I was able to read what this person wrote on the application.  He said that he wanted Kona to be back with her original family.  That just made me even angrier.  This guy only had Kona for about a year and a half.  In that period, he left Kona unattended in her crate for hours on end.  He taught her all her bad behaviors.  Kona’s issues stem directly from this person.  Why would anyone consider him a good candidate for readoption?  We have tried to house break her and make her a more stable dog.  Sending Kona to her original owner would be beyond crazy.  I also know someone who knows this person.  Oh the stories I heard about him!

Let me get this off my chest: WE ARE KONA’S FAMILY.  We have been there for her for over four years.  A lot has happened since we adopted Kona.  She has been there for all major events in our family.  There is not one memory of my family life without Kona in it.

Finally, I am mad at the rescue because they even this idea a thought.  Not only is this person bad for Kona, he also has dogs which was a major NO!  Their reasoning was that maybe with training Kona would stop her dog aggression.  ARE THEY INSANE?  Dog aggression cannot be cured.  It can be  I put off sending the rescue a reply email.  I was not going to be nice about it.  After not hearing from us, I received a facebook message asking me for an answer about Kona.  I was very polite.  I gave the rescue all the reasons as to why Kona could not go back to her original owner.  I also made sure that they knew this person is not a good candidate for adoption.

So where does that leave Kona?

FullEclipse went to back to work about a month ago.  The original idea was for me to leave Kona in our room two days a week and bring her to work once a week.  Since, I stay home two days during the week, I could take care of the dogs.  We had a plan to medicate Kona.  Yep, even my dogs have anxiety.  The problem was that the medications would take three weeks to take effect.  I have been bringing her to work with me.  Kona has been really good.  I don’t know if I can leave her alone at home.  Even with medication, FullEclipse and I have found our room destroyed.  Kona thrives when she is around people.  This dog cannot fuction alone.  Her fights with Fuego are gone thanks to their walks.  I found someone to help me walk KittyKat.  FullEclipse works full time and I am very pregnant.  Kona has had three accidents in the house.  All of them are our fault.  We are working with her.  If only we could leave her alone.

I don’t know what will happen.  I am hoping that things will work out and Kona can stay with us.

Someone has a secret!

For the past few weeks, I have wanted to scream to the world what is going on!

Due to the family being sick and the departure of Kona, I have not found the right time to post this.

Okay, my friends are in the know, but I still have this need to announce this live changing event to the world.

Lately, this Madonna song has been in the back of my head.  It fits perfectly with the changes that are happening around the house.:

Things haven’t been the same
Since you came into my life
You found a way to touch my soul
And I’m never, ever, ever gonna let it go

Happiness lies in your own hand
It took me much too long to understand
How it could be
Until you shared your secret with me

Mmm mmm
Something’s comin’ over, mmm mmm
Something’s comin’ over, mmm mmm
Something’s comin’ over me
My baby’s got a secret


I normally hate blogs where you get a cliffhanger.  Since I am running out of time and energy tonight, I will just leave you with this:

Mmm mmm
Something’s comin’ over, mmm mmm
Something’s comin’ over, mmm mmm
Something’s comin’ over me
My baby’s got a secret



Welcome to WordPress

For a while I have wanted to try WordPress.  I have seen some really cool layouts, etc.

Now that I have moved to the platform, I have mixed feelings about WordPress.

Blogger was a lot easier to navigate and customize.

But, I hear nothing but good things about WordPress.

This new layout is a work in progress so please bear with me.  I am sure I will get the hang of it and like WordPress in the end.

The move is due to various reasons.  One of them is being able to password protect some entries.

Don’t worry, everyone will get the password.

In the meantime, be patient.


>I hope to be back blogging soon. I miss it.

So much turmoil in the health department. Nothing serious. Everyone seems to go be sick one week and okay the next week only to be sick again.

Almost out of the woods.