Worst Blogger Ever!

Last time I was here, I was about to enjoy time off before I had to take the last class for my major.  There was a post about a trip to Ohio and then this place went silent.  This was not my intention.  A lot of things have happened in a year.  When I wrote those posts, I was pregnant with the Ketus.  It was a rough pregnancy.  But, my wonderful little girl, was born healthy in October of 2015.  Being a mom to three kids is not easy.  In the middle of the pregnancy, I still had to function and complete school.  FullEclipse traveled for work during this time too.  It was a cluster fuck.

But I am back!

Back to rant.

Back to say what I need to say.

I hope I was missed.

>Bruised!!!

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Semester’s Projects – Ready for Review!

I just e-mailed FullEclipse my last paper for the semester.  This one was just as important (at least to me) as the capstone project. My hope is to go into Cyber Forensics.  A bad grade will give me some serious doubts about my career path.

I am so spent!  I have no more creative words.  I do not want to even think about writing for my next classes.  I have a whole week off.  My plan is to blog a bit and read ahead.  My semester begins the week of Thanksgiving.  Even though I do not really care much for the holiday, I want to spend it without having to worry about school work.

Once FullEclipse proofreads my work, I can submit my assignments and wait for the grades to come.  The capstone was not as bad as I had thought.  I guess that after knowing what is in store for me in the stupid 9 credit class I am forced to take, this project seemed like child’s play.

Graduation is just a few classes away.  It will take me another year to complete my degree.  It is so close I can taste it.signature

Capstone Class – I Stand Corrected

School began this week.  My mind is at ease.  There have been no freak outs which is scary.  Maybe, as time goes by this weekend, reality will sink in.  Other problems occupy my mind.  With FullEclipse still looking for a job, classes are the least of my problems.  I will put in my best effort.  The end is near.  If all my classes line up nicely, my degree is only a year away.

I have two classes this semester.  One if Computer Forensics (cue in CSI Music).  I am stoked!  The other class is a capstone course.  Well, that came out of nowhere.  A three credit/unit class for a capstone?  Not too bad!  There is a big project that takes 20% of my grade.  The assignments are spread out throughout the semester.  However, I plan on starting it as soon as I can.  FullEclipse will help me with the research.  The topic should, in theory, be easy to research.  

So, I stand corrected.  My major has a capstone.  But can I say I am even more annoyed about the must-take class of nine units…you know…the one I dropped?  That is a waste of time and money.  I still want to use those credits to take more classes. Maybe saving the money for some certifications would be nice.  

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I Quit My Class

After a lot of bitching about my class in my last post, I could not take it anymore.  I dropped the class.  The good news is that my graduation date will not change.  The difference is that my time off will not be from the end of September until Thanksgiving like I originally planned.

So, why did I quit?  The first three days of class were rough. With the kids in the office with me, I had little time to read the material.  My tempter with my little imps was short.  They do not deserve this kind of stress.  Also, the first essay proved to be more difficult than I thought.  Even though I had an idea on where I wanted it to go, I just could not find the words.

To be honest, I feel no relief after quitting the class.  Sure, it is nice to have until the end of August off.  However, part of me hates feeling like a quitter.  At least I know how to prepare myself for the next time this class comes around.  I might postpone it until the end.  I have to figure it out because of the way Financial Aide works.  I borrowed too much this time around because I thought I would need more money to cover the extra 3 units.

Oh well…it is what it is….

Now if I could only get rid of the last two level 300 classes, I would feel better.

Wish me luck with the rest of my summer.  Perhaps it is not too late to learn a programming language.

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No Capstone Class Bleh!

My big complaint with my school is the lack of a Capstone Class in my major.  Some people might think of this as a blessing, but I do not.  Because Cyber Security (or any other IT major) is a new concept to me, having a large project would be beneficial in so many ways.   The majority of my classmates have experience in the field.  All they need is the degree to advance in their careers.  I, however, do not have this advantage.  A Capstone Project is something I need.  Even if I were to fail the class miserably, I would still get the benefit of learning throughout the process.  But I am not that lucky!

However, my wonderful school has this signature series they deem necessary for any undergraduate to take.  Everyone has to go through this class in order to graduate.  Here is the description of the this nine unit/credit behemoth:

The Signature Series is the intellectual linchpin of the undergraduate degree programs. The series focuses on various institutions and traditions of Western Civilization that have achieved unprecedented success in the United States. It finds ground for intellectual, social, and cultural progress through the productive tensions that can arise between tradition, change, freedom, and responsibility.

Normally I would love the chance to learn about American History and Politics.  This is not one of those times!  Looking at the syllabus is overwhelming.  Every week we have about 100 pages to read plus videos.  We need to complete the responses to our peers – at least five.  Oh and we have to submit an essay each week.  Three of those essays are at least 2,000 words.  Let’s not forget a volunteer position of at least three hours a week.  The work load is something anyone would expect coming from a class of nine units.  I should get used to the idea of this much work because graduate school is in the future.  My issue is the fact that I did not choose this class as part of my degree.  It is forced upon us.  I find it to be a waste of money and time.  Additionally, my school is in a conservative Midwest Area.  Coming from a liberal background, this can only mean disaster.  My views are radical.  I often clash with Conservatives.  Based on the reviews, any dissent from conservative lowers your grades in some cases.  I asked for a fail/pass option, but it is now allowed since this class IS A MUST to graduate.  Faking a political stance, while it is good for a grade, makes me ill.

So, my descend into my bleh stage of school begins today.  I am dreading this class.  Part of me wishes I had taken the summer off.  The masochist in me thinks a month off between classes is fine even after the struggles of last semester.

On the bright side, once the class is done at the end of September, I have until the week before Thanksgiving off!  The early fall semester will give me a nice break where I could hopefully get back to normal.  Maybe I would be able to finally learn a programming language – something I should have done in the month I had off!

Wish me luck!

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Worst Blogger Ever

Seriously, there is so much going on in my head.  When I drive or interact with the world, subjects pop in in my head.  Yet, I can’t seem to find the time to sit down to write these thoughts down.  The worst part of it all is that I have some small breaks to blog even during my school time.  Maybe the fear of “sounding” stupid keeps me from putting my thoughts out there.  This fear should not prevent me from writing.  This blog is for therapeutic reasons as well as reaching out to others who may be going through the same issues.  Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr, and WordPress are great tools.

I am going to try to be more present.  The Internet has provided me with a platform to express myself.

So, what is stopping me?

 

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Having a Cold Sucks

There is so much to talk about.  I just don’t know why I go into hiding.  I enjoy blogging.  Maybe it is because I feel like my writing is not good enough.  Then again, I do it for the therapy and not the writing accolades.

The kids gave me a cold.  I swear children’s germs can bring down a country!  It is a small cold but it bothers me.  For as long as I can remember, colds were one of my least favorite things in the world.  Let’s hope it goes away soon!

Right now, I should be doing homework.  This semester feels so bleh.  There was a major shitty incident that I cannot talk about yet that put me into yet another funk.  But I decided that once things are settled, I will jus open up more and talk about stuff that happened in my first marriage.  I have been far too nice.  It is time for me to just let it all go into cyberspace.

So, if you are one of my ex-in-laws, be ready to read things you might not like.  Why you still have an interest in me is puzzling.  Just let me go or contact me if you have any questions.  Let me be.

Bye for now!

A history of Operating Systems awaits me.  How can I make that paper interesting?

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The Sunday Blues

I hate Sunday afternoons.

I hate them with a fucking passion.

They make me extremely sad.  My mind goes to the worst places.  All of my fears materialize.

When I was little, I lived with my grandma and grandpa because my parents had to work and study.  Even though my mom and dad would come every day for a bit to see me, I still couldn’t understand why I could not live with them.  Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were the days I spent with my parents.  Sunday afternoon would be the time when I would be back with my grandparents.  It was so bad.

Then FullEclipse…the days after my ex asked for divorce, the loneliness of it all.

As I prepare for my next chapter in recovery, I can’t help but feel the same dread getting all over my body.  Adding to this is the fact that I have so much to do before Thursday.  Laundry, kids, homework, etc.

Breathe.

It is just another day.

I don’t have to cry anymore.  Everything is in place.

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Procastinating 101

Holy shit!

I turn around and almost a month passes by without a post.  What do I do with my time?  I was on such a good streak about my Thankful For Posts.  Now, the time has passed.  Maybe I will write them all out in one post.

To be honest, the last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of shit piling on top of everything that could possibly be bad in my life.  I am siting here trying to take it all in.

I have so much to write about.  It will be better to list it!  Here is goes.  This guide should help me to keep focused:

  1. My week of anger
  2. Paczki being part of the 20/10/5
  3. The person who is my personal hell and is also part of 20/10/5
  4. Being sick with a stomach bug
  5. Crying as I puked my brains out due to said bug
  6. Sadness
  7. The death of a teenager
  8. My Bucket List
  9. My funeral
  10. The accident that could have been bad
  11. School and how shaken I am about it

I hope this helps.  I have enough time to finish it all.

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