For Dr. Inception – Time to Say Goodbye

First I fired “Dr. Smokes a lot” – not a big loss.

Dr. How I Met Your Mother left after a month of seeing me because her residency year was up.  That was tough, but she planted a tiny seed inside me that led me to the realization that I wanted to recover from my issues.

Then Dr. Backstreet Boy took over.  He got me to a place where I could function and get on with my daily life.  He moved onto a children’s fellowship at the hospital.  His goodbye letter is here.   Dr. Backstreet Boy left me in great hands with the “hard to nickname” Dr. Inception.

Now, a year has passed since I met Dr. Inception.  Her time is up.  Tomorrow is my last session with her before she begins her fellowship working with children (damn kids!) and hands me over to a new p-psychologist who is  tentatively nicknamed Dr. Kelsey Grammer.  Saying goodbye to Dr. Inception will be very hard because of how much she has helped me in terms of personal growth.  She has taken me to places where I am not comfortable.  I have said things to her that no one other than FullEclipse know about.  There are many more things to cover.  Time ran out!

Perhaps this is a hard goodbye because Dr. Inception, in a way, is an extension of Dr. Backstreet Boy.  I learned a few months ago that they are engaged.  I cannot picture a better couple!  Knowing that Dr. Backstreet Boy trusted Dr. Inception with my care just goes to say how great they both are.

So, how do I write a goodbye to Dr. Inception?  Well, let’s start out by setting up the mood.  Lately, the song “The One I Love” by R.E.M. has been in the back of my head.  No, it has nothing to do with Dr. Inception.  I just like the beat.  It makes me think that underneath it all, Dr. Inception is a great person to hang out with and can really be fun!

Here it goes….

Dr. Inception,

Writing has been a part of how we approach some of my sessions.  The words flow without any problems.  We work through my feelings.   Right now I don’t have the words to convey what is going inside my head.  It is the eve before our last session.  There is so much I want to say and I am stuck.  Saying “thank you” is so cliche because you deserve so much more than these words.

Yet…

…there is nothing I can say but thank you!

Thank you for always being there to guide me through my dark times.  You were there to push me to get over some of my big fears.  If it had not been for you saying, “what is stopping you from flying?,” I would still be stuck with that fear.

Thank you for getting inside my head to get me to see how life could be different.  Your nickname is dead on!

There is still a lot of work to do.  While you may not be there to see me through my journey, I know our sessions have put me on a better path.  Perhaps I will never accept me 100%.  But I can live with who I am.

I feel like I am losing one of the few people who cheer me on.  You want me to succeed.  You do not judge me.  The kids who will be under your care are very lucky to have you.  If your interactions with Paczki are a glimpse of what is to come, you will kick ass as a children’s psychiatrist.  These kids need help.  Having you by their side gives me hope that they will never have to face the stigma that comes with having a mental illness.

Thank you for those times where you let me rant.

Thank you for being there to let me know I am a good mom and human being.

Thank you for letting me grieve Fuego on my own terms.

But, most importantly, thank you for giving me a voice!

This voice will come out during my quest to find how to help those who do not have a voice.  The path that I will take is still unclear, but my mission is set.  Without your help, this voice would have been silenced.

I believe in destiny.  Part of me knows that if we had met under different circumstances, we would have been friends.  Life works in funny ways.  Our paths had to cross this way and I am thankful for that.

I wish you the best of luck.

Until we meet again,

>Funny things you see

 

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Worst Blogger Ever

Seriously, there is so much going on in my head.  When I drive or interact with the world, subjects pop in in my head.  Yet, I can’t seem to find the time to sit down to write these thoughts down.  The worst part of it all is that I have some small breaks to blog even during my school time.  Maybe the fear of “sounding” stupid keeps me from putting my thoughts out there.  This fear should not prevent me from writing.  This blog is for therapeutic reasons as well as reaching out to others who may be going through the same issues.  Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr, and WordPress are great tools.

I am going to try to be more present.  The Internet has provided me with a platform to express myself.

So, what is stopping me?

 

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