Ten Years of Anxiety

There really isn’t much to say in this post other than I have been battling this demon for ten years.

Ever since an ER doctor told me that I had a panic attack, my life hasn’t been the same at all.

Ten long years of anxiety, anger, crying, and questioning why things happen.

Giving my condition a name gave it power.  The power to control me and take over.  The ability to bring me to my knees every single time.

I hate it.



His name was UNO

You know what’s funny?  I have been meaning to blog about my love for naming cars after celebrities and TV characters.  My blogging plans also included a nice post about my first car: UNO.

As of yesterday, I am the new owner of a Mazda SUV.  UNO will be sold in the private market.

It was a hard decision to make because UNO was my first car.  He belonged to my mom.   After she upgraded her car in 2005, UNO just stayed in the driveway rotting away.  The paint chipped, the tires needed updates, and the stereo had to be changed.  My mom gave me UNO as a present.  FullEclipse and I took a car loan to do some major upgrades to the car.  It is like brand new.  I mean, it has less than 49k miles.

But, FullEclipse wanted the kids and I in a bigger car, especially if we take the dogs somewhere.


Goodbye UNO…you were a great car.  I loved you.  Plus, my mom ran over my dad with it!  It was a funny story.  Paczki is upset because she thought the car would go to her.  I broke a promise.

Here is a picture of UNO:



You even had Super Girl covers.  I am sure you will make a great car for someone else.

The new car is named: The Reid – after the Criminal Minds character – dorky yet reliable!


Twenty Years Ago – School!

It was a Monday afternoon.  We had been in the country for a little over three weeks when we realized that I needed to go to school.  We didn’t know what to do.  One night, my parents took me to night school to learn the language.  Because of my age, they said I needed to go to regular school.

So, on Monday, my dad drove me to the local high school to enroll after I had to take some tests at the school district offices.  They needed to see where I would needed to placed.  Much to my happiness, I tested at a 12th grade.  Sadly, the lack of English skills sent me back to repeat the 9th grade.  Yes, I was in 10th grade when I moved up here.

After submitting all the paperwork the school needed, the counselor told me it was time to say goodbye to my dad.  School would begin right away.  WAIT A MINUTE!!  Why?  Didn’t I need school supplies?  Nope!  It was time to go.  My dad gave me some money for lunch.  I didn’t have anything before leaving the house.  With a $20.00 bill in my pocket and not much else, I was given a schedule.  One girl took me to a cart outside the cafeteria to buy food.

The following memory will forever be in my mind.  As I handed the $20.00 to the lady she said in a very rude voice (she spoke my language), “we don’t take $20.00 bills.  Read the sign.  You don’t get lunch today.”

From there on, I knew I had to learn the language to show this lady.

I was so hungry.

The bell rang and off to my class I went.

The culture clash was very interesting.  It sounds so bad, but the type of ESL students that were in the class were the type of people I would never hang out with.  They came from different backgrounds.  But it didn’t matter.  Here I was – poor and very lost.  It was a humbling experience for which I will be grateful for my entire life.

The first few days were very hard.  I had to learn to move from class to class.  I had to get a locker and a *gasp* a lock – which, by the way, got stuck.  If it hadn’t been for a nice girl, I would still be stuck in that locker room trying to get my PE uniform out.

A funny thing happened.  I thrived as the days, weeks, months, and years went by.  I learned the language.  Within two years, I moved out of the ESL classes.  I actually graduated with honors.  I was one of the top 100 students in the school district.

Back then it was so hard to see the good.  I felt poor, out of place (I still do), homesick, and physically ill.  The first three months of school were a constant battle with colds.  I had a cold every two weeks or so!

After school, my dad picked me up and we had Chinese food.

That place is now a doughnut shop.

So much has changed in twenty years.  I am married (for the second time) with two wonderful children.  I still have the weight struggles that I had then.

At the same time, two things remain the same.  First, I am STILL in school.  Second, I still love to do homework with only minimal lighting.  The first few months in the country were spent in a garage sleeping on a cold floor.  I did homework by the only lamp that gave us light.  I hunched over to get my assignments completed.  I still prefer to do that!

I should have had Chinese food with dad to celebrate the anniversary, but having the kids made the day so much sweeter.

>Funny things you see

Damn you HP for Making Me Lose My Data

For the past week and a half, my less than two month old laptop was having issues connecting to the Internet.

Because I am technically a computer major, I figured I would put my “vast” knowledge to the test.  A bad connection was sure to be an easy fix, right?

I tried everything under the sun.  From downloading drivers to doing a fresh restart to my computer.  Nothing worked.

After a few days of trying, crying, and almost giving up on my technical devices, FullEclipse finally convinced me to call my Internet Service Provider to make sure it wasn’t anything on their end.

FullEclipse even tested his laptop which is the same make and model as mine.  He also had computer issues.  Why didn’t he tell me before all my aggravation?  ATT did a test.  My laptop was running at .16 mbps.  That’s right.  There is a period before the .16!!  The technician was dispatched the next day.  By the way, ATT Uverse has great customer care in that department.

The technician arrived.  He went through the motions.  The result?  A BAD COMPUTER!  Every other device works now.   FullEclipse got me a network adapter that plugs into my USB port in order for me to get Internet access.

The fun part about this?  I reset my computer to a factory setting.  That means that everything that was not on the cloud was lost.  I didn’t realize this, but HALF A SEMESTER’S WORK ON A VIRTUAL MACHINE IS GONE!




I have to start with my virtual machine again.  This is on top of completing my work by Tuesday.

HP is getting a call from me.   They better replace this baby.

And yes, I will make a backup copy of my Virtual Machine.


Technical Help and FullEclipse Must Not Help Me

FullEclipse works in the IT Department of a teaching hospital.  He knows a lot of stuff when it comes to working with computers.  He is the hardware guy while I pride myself on being the software part of our geeky relationship.

One of my school computers is not working very well.  Even though I am about three feet away from the router, my Internet speeds are about half of what they should be under normal circumstances.

For the past two days, I have been obsessing with fixing this computer.  I tried everything.  In the process, I screwed up the connection to a virtual machine I use for my networking class.

The point is, that I hate to ask FullEclipse for help.  I hate to be viewed as an idiot, especially in a field where he clearly has the advantage.  Feeling like a moron doesn’t do well for my self-esteem, especially as of late when people are commenting on my weight.  Asking for help is not something I want to do.  FullEclipse wants to relax after helping out people with their computers.

So, here I am two days into this issue.  I just want to get my good computer back in order to my homework!

I want to prove to FullEclipse that I can do this.