>Isn’t it ironic

>…don’t you think?

Okay, besides this being one of my favorite songs, something happened yesterday that reminded of the song.

This weekend was pretty bleh, blah, and icky in regards to Thanksgiving dinner.  My hope was to spend a lot of time with FullEclipse and Packzi, but things did not work out as well as I thought.  FullEclipse worked on the new place most of the weekend.  I only saw him when he came home for lunch and dinner.

At least, I got to be with Packzi for four straight days. 

Let me tell you, being a stay home parent is not easy.  There were times when I thought we would drive each other mad.  But, we survived!  It was good to be with her.

As the end of the long weekend approached, we decided to go to the movies.  I missed the opening of Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows and I was dying to see it.

So off we went yesterday!

By the way, I suffered a panic attack and had to take medicine

Anyway, the previews were playing and “Tron Legacy” comes on.

I am not a fan of Tron at all.

I sit quietly and think, “Man, dorks and geeks everywhere have been waiting for this movie for thirty years.”

Then, I think…

Wait…I am a Twitard…I have waited for the movies…I love Harry Potter and also waited for the books and movies.

Hypocrite much?

Or just plain ironic?

Needless to say, I sat quietly and made no snarky remarks throughout the previews.

Well…not really…like I would ever keep my mouth shut!

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>Thankful

>The clock tells me it is 3:45 p.m.

Kona and Fuego (KittyKat, pets, fur kids) keep moving from room to room. Their nails and collars making noise as they walk restless. They know something major is coming. 

Packzi is in my room watching a show and finishing up a little snack. She is so content.

Yet, my “house” feels a bit empty because FullEclipse is out today. He has been prepping the rooms of our new house/apartment/rooms.

The place that we will call “home” for the next couple of years.

The place that I swore I would never go back to.

The place where my fears and aggravations will grow everyday that I live there.

The place where my family will have a roof over their heads.

Today we should be getting ready to make our first Pescetarian Thanksgiving Meal and wondering if we would have to go to “plan b” for dinner.

My family would be getting ready to skype with my husbands family in Chicago..a family that I barely know…a family that I have no relationship with at all.  I feel so out of place with them.

How I miss Chicago!

My body actually aches when I think of the gorgeous, cold, and unforgiving City of Chicago.

Despite of how low I feel right now, I am still thankful for a handful of things:

  1. A new place to live.  How many people in today’s economy have the luxury to say that they have a place to live once they have lost their home?  
  2. Food on our table.  Knowing that my family has a warm meal every day makes me feel better.
  3. A job even if said job brings a lot of stress.
  4. My health.  Granted, I am not in the best of physical shape and my anxiety has gone up this year.  But, after having a miscarriage in September, I was able to get better without doctor’s intervention.
  5. My daughter Packzi.  I couldn’t have asked for a better little one.  Yes, my daughter drives me crazy, but I adore her.  There is just something about her that makes me glow every time I see her.  She is smart, funny,  and feisty.  This year she finally found her voice and learned how to jump. For a while, Packzi could not speak and it was worrisome.  Now, my little one cannot be quiet for one minute.  I love every second of it. 
  6. FullEclipse.  He loves me for who I am no matter how much I have changed both emotionally and physically.  My husband brings me calm and strength even at my darkest moments.  He pushes me to be a better person.  No one can get through to me like he does.  He has opened my eyes to a lot of things that surround me.  We get into arguments, but at the end of the day, we can laugh and work things out.
  7. My pets.  As rowdy and wild as two boxers can get, KittyKat always brings me love when I feel down.

So as much as things suck right now, I have a few things that make my life a lot better.

Happy Thanksgiving!

>Sweet Dreams

>Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody’s looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused
 
Eurythmics

Dreams have not been a good friend of mine.

However, for the past few weeks my nights have gotten a lot better.

I attribute this change to the fact that I wear a mouth guard to sleep…more on that later.

Last night, I had one of the strangest dreams of my life.  It is almost as good as when I dreamed I married Dennis Rodman.

Hey!!  It was high school and he was popular…what can a girl do?

Bobby Flay was the man in my dreams!

Seriously, Bobby Flay????  The Food Network Star and husband of L & O: S.V.U Stephanie March? – sorry, my Hollywood Trivia took over.

Yeah…that’s the one.

The details of the dream are escaping as I type this, but this is what I remember:

I was in a room with a an “ex-classmate” of mine.  The ironic thing is that this person became an acquaintance of mine through facebook.  We went to the same school and had the same friends, but our paths never crossed at all.  Through the magic of facebook, we found out that we even though we never met, our friends were the same.

Going back to the dream….this classmate and I were going to a theather in a high school.  For whatever reason, I moved seats and I ended up face to face with Bobby Flay.

Odd…

Then, the first question that pops into my head is, “Was the next Iron Chef fixed so a certain person could win it?”

Last Sunday, the season finale for “The Next Iron Chef” was on.  It gave me a feeling that, much like the Next Food Network Star, a winner is picked ahead of time.

Mr. Flay, “don’t worry about that.”  He then comes close to me and hugs me.  It was the type of hug that only my husband gives me.  The way he positioned himself towards me and the way he grabbed me were awfully familiar.  I cringed.  He looks at me and says, “you are perfect, don’t worry about how you look.”

Hmmmm…

Did I mention in my dream I was wearing the same set of old PJs I wore to bed?

Then, I looked over and I saw work for me.  You know, what I do everyday.

How did that get into the dream?

I think I caught a glimpse of Chef Aaron Sanchez, but I am not sure.

Anything after that is a blur.

My dream could mean one of two things:

  1. Stop watching Food Network
  2. Bobby Flay is secretly out to get me!
  3. I really gotta focus less on the physical side of me.

>The Holiday Spirit

>Christmas has always been my favorite Holiday.

Besides the preparation for the festivities and the presents, the weather changes nicely.  Granted it only happens,  for those who live in places where the four seasons are actually a reality and not a myth!  But, even a drop in the temperature is a welcomed sign of things to come.  The air is full of good feelings and an overall positiveness that even my cynical part cannot corrupt.

Growing up, my family did not have a lot.  However, my parents always made it a point to make sure, I had the best Christmas.

As an adult, I want my daughter to have the same happy memories.

 This year has been so rough on my family that finding the Holiday Spirit has proven to be a challenge.  

Yet, I have to find it in me to make this a special Christmas for Packzi and the rest of my family.  Part of my overall sadness is the feeling that I failed them.  Even with my special set of circumstances, I still did not save my home.

Yeah, it is the same thing I keep talking about, but this will be a wound that will not heal easily.  

At the same time, I am grateful for having a new place to move to for a few a while – the future is somewhat unknown due to the family business and the economic situation.

Even if this new living arrangement is not the best place for me, my family will have a roof over their heads.  It will be good to downsize, save money, continue with school, send our little one to Pre-K, and be able to start paying down some debt. 

This Christmas, I might not be able to buy expensive gifts, but we will be together.

Tomorrow, I will continue our family tradition of sending out Christmas cards.  Nothing big or funny like the previous years, but something personal…something ours!

>Paranormal Stuff

>Paczki should be sleeping right now. 

At least, I would like to think that she finally went down for a nap.  It is way past her regular nap time. 

Who knew that little girls would be so difficult at times?

If someone offered me a chance to sleep, I’d take it in a second!

So, this time should be used to do pack.  You know, the big move is only a week and a half away.  Yet, here I am lurking and posting on my regular forums. 

Never ever underestimate my procrastinating power.

In the midst of all this chaos, I found another guilty pleasure: a forum dedicated to paranormal activity.

A few weeks ago, I thought about  the Ouija board. 

Seriously, who thinks about this stuff? 

I have always been fascinated by them.  The scary stories behind them scare me to death.  Many many many years ago, a family friend had a daughter who became obsessed with her Ouija board.  From what we were told, the spirit she contacted threatened her.  I asked my dad about it the other day and he told me that the family had tried to get rid of the Ouija board, but it always came back to the house.

The stories on the forum are spooky.  

To add to my scare, I have taken a liking to watching “Paranormal State.” 

I honestly think that there are forces/energies that are mostly bad lurking around in our world.  Yes, I believe in exorcisms.  As someone who was raised in the Catholic faith and as someone who believes in conspiracy theories, I am so glad that the Catholic church has kept a lid on major scary stuff. 

Who needs all that fear?  I still cringe at the thought of the movie, “The Exorcism of Emily Rose.”  Every time, I wake up at 3:00 in the morning, I think about the movie and cover myself in blankets. 

As if my blankets were to scare away the evil. 

Hey, it’s all I got okay! 

A fun fact about me is that while I still have a difficult time believing that there is a God, I strongly believe that there is evil.  People have always told me that good cannot exist without evil.  Therefore, if I believe in bad, I must always believe there is good.

I guess I don’t know what to say to those people.

I am still trying to find out my own spiritual path.

One thing I know for sure, whatever that path might be, it will include the paranormal.

>30 Days of Me – Day 12

>Something you never get compliments on

This answer comes so easily.

I wish people would compliment me on two fronts:

First, I would like to get recognition for the things I have accomplished thus far. 

Without a college degree, I have managed not only to help my parents keep a business going, but also helped them to get it started.  Granted, the permits and other important regulations must be filled by professionals.  I was

It was my father’s dream to get this business going.  At times, his dream feels more like a nightmare because he expects too much from me and I resist his ways.  But, here I am.  Ten years later (minus a six months hiatus), I still wake up.

I am jaded, but a bit wiser. 

The business has gone though a lot.  Yet, I have been behind every step. 

I do bookkeeping, HR, etc.  All of these skills have been learned through practice and not in a classroom.

Some mistakes have been costly, but I work around them.  I learn who can be trusted and I can give people advice on what to do.

Funny, when I lived in Chicago, all of these skills did not matter when I looked for a job.  The perception, it seemed, was that small business do not prepare you to deal with the “big corporations.”  

Secondly, I would love for people to acknowledge my intelligence. 

I am not a genius.  I might not be the best writer or even the best person to debate, but I know I am smart.  Perhaps, people doubt it because I try to keep a low profile. 

Everyday, I learn something new.  My mind never wants to stop learning.

>30 Days of Me – Day 11

> Something people seem to compliment you the most on

 
I love trivia, especially Hollywood tidy bits. 

People like the fact that I can recall certain things about a movie or an actor. 

Call it an innate talent to retain the most absurd and obscure facts!

If you add the fact that I seem to have a good memory, this works out well for useless facts.

Don’t get me wrong, most of the times, I seek the information.  Let’s say an actor or movie catch my attention, I look him up on imdb.com and other sites.  I find all the relevant information and I store it for future reference.

Sometimes, the information just comes to me via my trashy magazines or an article. 

I also have a talent for storing just random trivia, not celebrity stuff.

FullEclipse thinks I should change professions and write for a Hollywood magazine.

If only!

>30 Days of Me – Day 10

>Wow…time flies by when you get older!

My last post is almost a week old. I took the day off on Thursday to be with Paczki and forgot to post.

For the first time in A LONG TIME, I went afk and turned off my facebook and everything else related to the Internet.

Boy, did I miss it!!

November is here…

My favorite part of the year has finally arrived. The cold weather (as much as CA allows), Christmas, etc.

This should be our last Christmas at our home. It makes me sad, but I will make it through.

No onto my 30 days of writing

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know

There are a few people.

This person comes to mind The Devil Uncle

My dad’s half brothers and sisters because they are just bad people.  They have fucked up with my dad in so many ways.

My mom’s brothers because of their macho ways and how they have treated the females in the family.

My exes friends – the ones who abandoned me

I don’t want to write about this people right now.  I am far too pissed off. 

Something happened yesterday that threatens the family business.  Another betrayal and the last thing I need is to be thinking about everyone in my life who needs to go.

I have my husband, baby girl, and dogs…that’s all I need.