>I am too lazy

>Okay, the title might be a bit too broad to really cover what I want to talk about.

I am lazy about exercising (YUCK!)..lazy about folding the clothes (evil chore)…lazy about emptying the dishwasher (I load it and start it damn it)…I am lazy about a lot of things…Note to self: change your lazy ways.

I am even more lazy about writing my blog.  Part of the reason is the fact that if I don’t sound perfect or smart, I tend to feel like a loser so I give up.  I already feel like a loser in real life.  Do I really want to feel this way in cyberspace?

This time, I will try my damnest to get this blog going.  I have a lot of ideas running around my head.  They need an outlet.  Hell, I need an outlet. 

I have a list of things that I want to talk about (e.g. my anxiety disorder, pet peeves, my poor self esteem, life experiences, etc.).  I am sure I will be covering a lot of topics, but I want a huge variety of things to talk about.  I bet there are thousands of topics that I haven’t even considered writing about.  I want to have

Since the Internet never gives out false information (right?), I found two sites that will give me great ideas for writing.

I will start working on them.  If I find them to be a good resource, I will post the links.

/the end

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>Holy Doink Doink Horation Caine

>From the tile of the post you can guess that I watch too much television.

I do not particurally like the fact that I would like to stay at homoe than to go out with the family.  FullEcplise (my husband) made me a bit of a bit of a home boy. 

TiVo does not make this habit any easier to break.  I must say, however, that TiVo has been a wonderful  addition to my household electronics.

If you were to look into what I like, you would find a rather disturbing theme: Crime Shows.  These shows range from C.I.S (all of them),  Discover I.D. The History Channel, Bio, Law & Order to my favorite one: Criminal Minds (I love Spencer Reid).  Okay some of these shows are not real, but you get the idea. 

I just cannot get enough of crime shows.  Whether they are based on some true story (insert Law & Order voice over) to actual crimes, I am still hooked.

I find human behavior fascinating. The things we do and the reasons behind those actions make me curious. It opens a window into the “mind” of human beings.  I love to peek inside what our minds hold.  Humans are so simple minded at times.  Yet, we can be capable of causing so much pain. I watch these shows and every time I, get less hopeful for the future of our species…Not that I ever had much hope for Humanity.

People commit violent, means acts for stupid reasons.  The worst thing about it is the we always seem to try to  find a good reason behind our actions.  As if justifying our reasons would offer us absolution.  What a stupid way to get our feelings and actions validated.  

I must say, some people (I know a few) should really be erased from this planet. It is the mindless stupid killings that piss me off.

We are the only species who kills for the heck of it. Animals do it for survival. They don’t do it for pleasure or for insane reasons. 

For the record, I am not for censorship or for stopping violent video games.  I do not want people to get the idea that I want a change.  I don’t believe people can change who they are.  

We think we are above animals when in fact, we really should be looking at little bit closer at them and figure out where we went wrong.

In the meantime, I just sit and stare at the television screen in awe.  I wonder if the next show will surprise me.  Maybe I have become too accustomed to it all.

>What is this all about?

>

I need help..
…I really need a lot of help

Perhaps,these two sentences might be the understatement of the year.  More than needing help, I need a miracle in order for me to get my life straight.  Let’s face it, in these crazy times, miracles have become a hot commodity.  Everyone wants to have their needs and wants met before anyone else in the world.  There is only so much luck going around in this world.  Chances are, I will not get the miracle I so desperately need. Adding to this problem, I don’t have any faith in me, God or the universe in general.  I am also getting older.  I really have a rather grim view of the world that surrounds me.  With the few exceptions in my life, I really don’t see a lot of positive things going on in life.

My desire to accomplish my goals and reach “my full potential,” diminishes with each passing day.  Case in point, this will be my third attempt to get my blog going.  Then again, I tend to be a perfectionist and if I don’t like what I write, I feel like a total idiot and give up.  I envy those bloggers who can write great pieces without blinking. 

So, I have decided that for therapeutic reasons, I must keep a blog. My therapist recommended it at one point.  Too bad I had to let him go.  I think he would have been rather pleased with my progress. 

I enjoy ranting and my husband cannot keep his attention on me 100% of the time.  He also gets bored of my never ending self deprecation. 

In other words: I need an outlet.

You know how you find annoying people who just can’t shut the fuck up? Well, that would be my brain.  There is not a single minute in my day where I don’t stop thinking or going through many different tangents. 

Also, I often look back upon my life and realize that not a lot of people know the “real me.” I am a complicated person to say the least. I am very Politically Incorrect. I curse a lot. I am very insecure.

My life has been a soap opera and yet very few people know the details. Trust me, there will be times when you will think I am making this up.

Here are a few rules that I will be following. Beware of what’s to come:

  1. I curse a lot. I will be cursing quite a bit.
  2. I have an alter ego: Queen Frigid. Sometimes, I will be posting as though I were her. It is easier to post how I feel in that state of mind.  There are no restrictions and I feel free to say whatever I want.
  3. I say what is on my mind and there is no logic behind it. I speak from my heart. Logic need not to apply.
  4. I am not asking you to agree or disagree with what I say. I feel how I feel and if it offends you, the door is ———> that way.
  5. You can voice your opinions and leave comments
  6. Who cares about grammar?

Welcome and enjoy my mental chaos!